i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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