i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
