If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
