Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize