Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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