im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
