Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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