You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
