One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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