I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am naked and annoyed.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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