I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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