i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
