1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
