the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
