she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
