now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
