ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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