Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
