No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
