either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
