THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
