my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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