I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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