I accidentally had phone sex last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
