she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
