so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
