i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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