U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
