i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
