I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
