pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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