Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
