don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
