just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
