Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
