The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
