And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
