So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
