I heard we made out
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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