i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
