She is in my trunk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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