Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
