The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls