Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.