he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.