Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
