Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?