I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
