He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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