Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
zippers are such a cool invention
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
