I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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