Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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