i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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