Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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