I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
