Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
