When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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