p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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