I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
