i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
