I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
