buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
bring money and cleavage
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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