Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
