Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The Olympian is in my bed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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