Yo dont text me then not text me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
