Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
