It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
