Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize