I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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