I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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